There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
