It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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