He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize