I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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