so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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