your room smells of hookers.
And success
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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