I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
