I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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