if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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