I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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