Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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