You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
