I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
