Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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