I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
