nut hugger
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
