Don't make out with my wife yet
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
