I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
