You can't motorboat a personality
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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