oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
