My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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