hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
