Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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