i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
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Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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