She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
barbara walters just said penis...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
