So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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