in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
