Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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