Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
