dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
