Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
