He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
