i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
