I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
