I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
