I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
