Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
