Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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