is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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