if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
