he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
