Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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