no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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