Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
