Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
