Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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