Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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