well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
