So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
