you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she looked like the before picture.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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