I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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