How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
