if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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