Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
