member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
