I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
