It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
