so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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