I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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