: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
