I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
