Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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